Complimenting Correctly

By Andrew Benioff, 2nd dan


[Editor’s Note: Andrew Benioff — Began budo training in general in 1982 and Aikido in 1988. After spending one year with Yoshioka Sadao Shihan in Hawaii and three years in Japan, he has been practicing at the San Francisco Aikikai and currently holds the rank of nidan.

This is the second article we have presented by Andrew, whose perspectives are based on his experiences in Japan and in the US.]

My first year living in Tokyo I was so excited to be practicing at the Aikikai Hombu dojo that nearly every opportunity to socialize or spend time with my peers was an occasion that I seized upon immediately. It was then that I was invited to spend an evening with a group of senior foreign students at one of their apartments eating, drinking and watching some videos of Aikido.

They were particularly interested in a tape of a recently done special by the teaching staff of the Hombu dojo, which had been broadcast on NHK (the Japanese equivalent of PBS here in the United States.) This show was to be an introduction to Aikido for the vast audience that had either never heard of it or had very limited experience with the martial arts and wanted to see a comprehensive overview. Many of the current younger Aikikai instructors were featured in the show -- Seki, Miyamoto, Yokota, Osawa, Kobayashi & Takamizo to name a few -- as well as the current Doshu. The demonstrations included were of various ukemi and kihon waza intended for the uninitiated and our entire group of onlookers very much enjoyed the show.

There followed a lively discussion of Aikido in general, and many of the previous public demonstrations given over the past years, in particular. Although I was, by far, the most junior member present I nonetheless participated eagerly and had a comment of my own for every topic presented. I was especially vocal in stating which of the Shihans techniques I thought were best compared to the others and which I thought to be most effective.

During our discussions I received many stares by some of the other guests, especially when I vocalized my opinions regarding one or another of the teachers techniques. I wasn’t really sure what to make of these stares and by the end of the evening I was pretty much silent and just listening as it had been made clear that my comments did not seem to be welcome.

Very confused, and a bit depressed I left for the evening wondering what breach of etiquette I had made and worse, whether or not I would ever be invited back to join these senior students who I so looked up to.

A few days later, my friend and sempai, who had also been at the recent gathering, called me aside after practice. We went to a nearby coffee shop and, over a tiny cup of Tokyo’s strongest brew, he explained to me all of the transgressions I had made during our recent evening together.

He started by asking me whether or not I had noticed if any of the other guests at the gathering had either complimented or criticized the different instructors techniques after viewing the videotape? I replied that I had thought they had. He corrected me and then went on to tell me that no one had done any complimenting, just that they had stated that they had enjoyed watching the instructors perform their various techniques.

The difference between what I said and what they said was that they manifested a particular attitude, namely, "from our perspective of practicing for many fewer years than these young masters and being thusly of lower rank, we had no basis from which to comment on their techniques". He suggested that my comments take the form: "Compared to me and my skill level, I feel the teachers in question did an admirable job of showcasing their art."

At my present dojo we are lucky enough to have no fewer than two seminars a year with the Shihan of the United States Aikido Federation, many of whom were O-
Sensei’s uchideshi. It goes without saying that everyone has his or her favorite teacher and teaching style. Before each seminar we invariably hear talk throughout the dojo of who is a more enjoyable teacher and which teachers techniques are most powerful or effective or simply the best.

I always try to remind myself that, having practiced less than a third of the span of the teachers in question, and of course being of much lower rank, it is beyond my ability to comment on the effectiveness of their demonstrated techniques or the power of their bokken swing. I can of course say which class I enjoyed best but I always now try to assume that their skill levels are far out of reach for my criticism, positive or negative.

This also carries over to interpretation of the skills of my sempai in the dojo whether they were taking a test, demonstrating a technique or teaching a class. My delight is of course welcome but I now refrain from expounding on their skillfulness.

This small point of etiquette may seem too detailed to some practitioners, but as my wife is fond of telling me: "The etiquette practiced in Japan is not a strict form of manners or rules, it is simply a way a ensuring that no one is embarrassed and that everyone knows the general guidelines of society and is able to fit comfortably into them."